The abdication of responsibility

Why does anyone abuse another or themselves? Surely if we each took full responsibility for our thoughts, actions and reactions, we might easily resolve even the seemingly irresolvable relationship breakdowns, the possibility of feeling abused and so reduce the seedbed of negative attitudes on which traumatic damaging abuse could grow.

Whether in anger over a love breakup, a bullying dispute at work, a deeply entrenched violent relationship or merely a bickering home argument, our negative attitude to others and our self is selfish and abdicates the responsibility we are gifted at birth; the valuable gift of human life. Even in pain or sorrow, we can take a soul decision to be responsible for how we receive that challenge.

I believe we all can be far more responsible and therefore accountable today for the collective verbal abuse, sorrow, and unjustifiable human pollution of violence that infects our natural world with inhumane behaviour. We can each take personal responsibility for all we think, feel and act out in our life from the smallest action, we can spread joy rather than anguish; a smile to a stranger, a word of praise to our family, an attitude of gratitude whatever happens, a mediation style of leadership, conversations that include our differences.

I pondered over how we might transform our world to one of love rather than fear, one of contribution rather than isolation, one of sharing rather greed.

In many ways we have made it easy to abdicate responsibility. “It’s not my fault, they are to blame” we say to ourselves. “It’s not my issue, I can’t change the world, too many people, and it’s not to do with what I do!” We play small and abdicate consistently that which is in our power; to love and be loved, to express with perfect voice, with understanding, with grace, with trust and ask for what we need with respect for all around us and far away.

Is your life now full of easy ways to abdicate responsibility? We blame others; blame our childhood, our bosses, our debts, our lack of money, our politicians? Do we abdicate when we find easy ways out of our major responsibilities such as parenting and education of our next generations? I see often parents abdicating responsibility unconsciously and consciously when we stick our kids in front of the TV, computer or offer self service upbringings; when we get addicted to alcohol or drugs; when we ignore the potential abuse that may be happening under our noses, down our street, in our neighbourhood?

I know teachers who do not go the extra emotional mile with their pupils because of paper work and exam quotas even when they know the children need more of their attention; I know bosses who regular undermine their colleagues and juniors who disrespect their elders; we know there is a spiral of domestic violence, child abuse and substance misuse in our communities; we live in time where men and women continue to perpetrate crime and disorder in our so called ‘civilized society’, yet we abdicate helping because we don’t see these things happening to us personally. Women allow other women to be marginalized and brutalized around the world and we don’t rush to their side. Men allow other men to continue wars and major violence and crime and don’t get together to say “peace is the best option”

Many people wish they could win the lottery to make their lives better or grab at high salaries and bonuses when others are starving – in the belief that money is the only way to survive the devastation that currently faces many people financially and emotionally and health wise. It just doesn’t work that way … money will not solve broken attitudes or fear based living. It won’t solve climate challenges, natural disasters or rising mental illness. We have some major issues to take responsibility for today and we all have a part in our future together.

Once we choose responsibility for ourselves – often seen by many as burden – we find that it is actually a joy and gives us a reciprocal energy and willingness to serve, to love, to nurture, to grow happy relationships, to be a good guest, a wise friend, a helpful resource; to share, to care, to be kind. Personal responsibility is the first step to collective responsibility. we each make a difference.

If we all made that choice right now, I believe we can reduce and eventually eliminate abuse and spread joy around the world, one person at a time. I take responsibility right here right now for the rest of my life to do whatever it takes to bring about a loving, sharing, caring world. I don’t know yet how I will do that, however I do know if we each set a similar intention right here, right now, our intentional thoughts will show us the way.

Will you join me?

Expansion and contraction – the natural ebb and flow of life and business?

Expansion and contraction – the natural ebb and flow of life and business or are we forcing the issue?

Summer breathing as June passes the Summer Solstice, and here in the UK, we enjoy the wonderful heat and the expansive noise of England winning through in the World Cup, during a time of daily contraction of our financial power in a budget geared to collective restraint, I wondered about the power of our own natural reserves?

Swirling despair or growing pains?

Everyone I know is experiencing swirls of despair and exhilaration, no day is the predictable day we expected. The past is past. The future is ours to grow. And one person’s point of view can be positive or negative over the same situation depending on their nature, their life experience and their current status. Naturally we all perceive the world differently, we are all different, yet we are also the same; living breathing human beings. When we are facing tough challenges (as the world is right now) we polarize to our core point of view and find obstacles and limitations around us.

Why do some of us face each day with energy and vivacious capacity to smile regularly even when the chips are down? And others become despondent and cynical about possibilities and strains that don’t fit now, don’t adhere to our expectations born of past promises! We have a world that needs re-order at a fundamental level, expanding collaboration and contracting chaos. We have choices, many on a daily basis about survival, growth and the future for our children – and our children’s children. We are all connected and inter-connected. What we do right now affects everyone eventually in the whole world and for generations alive when we are gone. We are all connected – yet do we believe that really? Everyone is some mother’s child; we all are born of human stock.

Choices – yours or mine? Do we believe and own our own choices that connect into the collective responsibility – especially in our own families or communities or workplaces when there are so many disagreements, negative behaviour and possible abuse? Can we be open-minded in conversation and listen to everyone, holding their perspective with our own? This is especially relevant to bringing new conversations together between men and women, within women’s group and within men’s groups. Gender confusion still lies at the heart of broken relationships and abuse.

Do men and women face these current difficult times differently?

I believe we do – yet one gender is not better or more right than the other.We need an ‘and/and’ mind shift to create a world together not an ‘either/or’ world of separate parts. Men and women are both responsible and both need to be engaged in the foundations and a new start. There are many different approaches that build society and economic reform together – these approaches economically, politically, socially and spiritually differ in core roots of maleness and femaleness, the yin and yang of life and energy. The former male energy builds strong direction, provider drivers and tenacity of mindful, clever ‘brainy’ ideas – while the latter female fuel, underpins the life force of relationships and community coherence, brings emotional and mental intelligence in a pre-packed integrated package. Although some women are tougher, more masculine than others, some are gentler more cautious, less confident, all women want their lives to honour life and common sense prevail. Women have enormous untapped talents to bring a balance future to our world.

Together men and women are more powerful. Separately we fight for airspace, not listening to the other’s need.

We rival each other for position on a past plan headed for bankruptcy and social disorder – when we now have a choice to co-create a new future. Here is an example of a new way of thinking and being.

A new style together

I had the great pleasure to join a wonderful community in Geneva last weekend for ‘Friends of Humanity’, a foundation set up by Graziella Zanoletti CIO (Chief Inspiration Officer) of Elite Rentals. Graziella’s great success in the commercial world is now partnered by her great passion to give back to many good causes in less developed countries such as India, earthquake suffering in Nepal, South American rainforests and children in Tibet. 100 people gathered to hear the news on these projects and to come together, men, women, and their families adding back many £1000s by being part of this intention.

I met many extraordinary people especially my host Fabienne Feldman, helped to run this amazing event. We watched and joined in with likeminded people to gather together, hold magical conversations, listen to wonderful music and song, chatter about life and purpose and those projects on display; we eat fabulously well yet abundance for all and enjoyed the wonder of the day – it was an example of people coming together who didn’t know each other and who now form bonds across the world… from Boston to Goa, from London to LA… proving that communities can so easily come together in harmony for a common purpose across the world.

I explored with Graziella the nature of a new approach to “business, life and giving back” when we met last month for our first Magical Conversation at Fabienne’s home. Integrating commercial success, building personal and collective wealth, giving back, creating social cohesion and sustainable communities – bringing social enterprise into main stream business ethics – these are core to our conversations and those of many other female conversations I experience…and with many wise men too who feel tuned into this new multi-streamed way of being, business and life. How do we each measure up to these intentions in our own life?

Magical Conversations are about ‘life’ and business and society – about truth and trust, respect and relationships, humanity and prosperity – and becoming more keenly aware of what matters to others as well as our own. Everywhere I go, wise men and women are speaking with their hearts as much as their heads…and allowing their inner spirit to guide them more times than not. The nature of magical conversations is to embrace expansion and contraction in all we do and not get out of balance in our own lives and in our world. It is being aware of where and how one needs to expand effort and operate at a level of financial viability – consistently contracting efforts where obstacles appear, adhering to rules and regulations, “and and” being our mantra in expanding in relationships, respect and trust in our lives and in our businesses. It’s about exploring a common reason for giving back, feeding and educating those in the world less well off, both in developing countries – and more importantly, lovingly, at home in our own communities.

“It’s not so much about what you do, it’s about the loving you put into the doing that counts” Anon

How can we mend the world when we are not mended (healed from the inside out) first? This all starts at home with love… with loving yourself, your closest friends and family and community first.

Like breathing in and breathing out, expansion and contraction underpins our life force. Masculine and feminine energies do similarly ebb and flow; male dominance is necessary for strength and getting tasks done while the feminine energy flows, nurtures and heals the cracks so that communities can gain sustainable results. Together this alliance of men and women brings abundance in the true gifts of our natural life to be self sustaining for all members. Get to know your own natural gender nature and recognize different perspectives are valid too. It’s the ‘common purpose’ of conversations, built on trust, that includes all points of view, which will help our future come sooner.


We have a long way to go in the UK, our political leaders talk of a ‘big society’; many male CEOs talk of attracting women into the top positions, mixed boardrooms leading better; many communities, public and private make noises about community cohesion. I applaud their words, the rhetoric, the opinions…. however I don’t believe we invite all the right people to the conversations and listen well enough?

I don’t yet see enough evidence that the best, most aware, intelligent, experienced women are invited to really, truly, openly explore ‘what women want’. Maybe they don’t get noticed or don’t speak up enough. We’re in a world that doesn’t allow women to be women, to grow naturally, be business women and mothers, to grant that life’s natural family pressures are accounted for without marginalization financially or limitations in job prospects.

If we keep going round the same old arguments and propositions, guess what we get the old emerging again. We need to explore more, the new awaits us on the horizon of our awakening to possibilities without judgment and favour.

Magical Conversations count

We can’t create a ‘big society’ based on the old blueprint of business and life separation (the male plan that has traditionally separated ‘making money’ and ‘life’ into two camps)– there are more core principles of evolution to be explored (a female plan for business would combines ‘making money’ and dealing with ‘life’ issues).

My invitation to YOU I now implore my sisters, women of all types, generations, creeds and cultures to put aside the past and grow strong views on ‘what women (and men) really want’ and join our brothers, all kinds – tough guys and gentle giants – in the conversation of co-creation – and magical conversations.