Perfect timing

Have you had that day, that perfect day, when everything happens in perfect timings? You arise on time, feel fabulous, and you imagine your day ahead perfectly, even plan for the unexpected to be perfectly timed with a response you’ll sail through. This is not to control the day ahead but to allow its perfection to be timely because you set the pace. My beautiful cat Daisy, knows how to set the pace. She is 21 years old and is always in perfect timing with her day!

“Never be a slave to time but make it your servant. You have to make up your mind what you want to do and then go ahead and do it; and you will find that you have the time to do it perfectly“ says Elieen Caddy, from Opening Doors Within.

Try it – You set intentions for parking spaces, seats together on trains, conversations to be sparkling and tuned; you meet people you want to meet, even unexpected strangers flow into your day. Even the right thoughts and ideas arise at the perfect time. The sun shines on you even through cloudy skies as you flow through your day.

I can hear you naysayers muttering – “but I have days when perfect timing goes out the door, I am late, I am hassled, I don’t get my work done’ other people don’t do what they should, the world is against me…” And you develop the perfect conspiracy theory to confirm to yourself that it’s not your fault. You sleep fitfully but uncertainly happy that it wasn’t you!

Now take stock of your own perfect timing philosophy.

Since arriving in my new place this year, my place of unstuckness – I have placed an intention into my life that everything is designed to be perfect timing. What I mean by this is: my ‘perfect timing’ is an integral belief within ‘my game of life’ so even the nasty unexpected happening is ‘happening’ in perfect timing .i.e. is meant to be happening. Contrary thinking you may think! It works like this.

Everything in my life is perfectly designed to happen this way and indeed that has been true of ALL that has happened in my life to date (and will happen in the future).

My freedom to have perfect timing is as a result of my setting it as my intention and philosophy and as I take responsibility for my time and all the thoughts, feeling and actions in my life.

I accept that the perfect life is in each moment of being, that the value of being in that moment runs my clock of perfect timing.

And magically, it works, even when I am running late, I take responsibility, even if the tubes are running late, I own my relationship with that journey of time, and inform my being-ness that this moment is always perfect in its infinite capacity to be a choice I make to be.

In this state of knowing that each moment is perfectly designed for me to manage, cope with, deal with, feel into, react to; I give me permission to experience all emotions in real time, happiness, sadness, joy, frustration, love or fear, this is my life, my timing, my time… and it’s perfect, just the way it is.

In this state of perfect timing, today is the perfect time to write this!

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The tango of life

The strong and the gentle come together!

Last night I watched a fabulous “Tango Fire” show at the Peacock Theatre; the magic of dance wove its story, the story of life, of relationships, of steamy passion and purposeful intention, an all-embracing joy in performance. I reflected on how this dance is a story for transformation of men and women in our world today.

Five magnificent strong male dancers moved as if as fluid as a fast flowing river – yet as strong as any man can be. They kept us transfixed as they literally held their female partners close, wound around their bodies, lifted above their heads and seamlessly flowing and interlinked in sharp moves merged with gentle lines and continuous flow.

The five beautiful women were as sensuously female as possibly they could be, clothed in body hugging costumes and colours that accentuated their feminine without any salacious intent; they became an integral part of their partners strong fluidity while providing a soft flow of expression and language beyond words, a strength in line that made you gasp with delight; a complement in all ways to their partners and the music and message of their origins.

This natural weave of strong and gentle, of direction and fluidity, stands as a perfect example of the natural roles men and women play together. It also explores the nature of masculinity that flows, and femininity that has power.

In our current world, how often do we see a fight between the masculine and the feminine, between man and woman, over and over? We hear of increases in marriages and family partnership breaking down, of battles that destroy communities, and at the core of this we have not fully understood the needs of each gender, the pull of each generation’s men and women as they view parenting and reproduction in different ways There is an uncomfortable history of male domination in business, in politics and in the evolution of the structures and rules that control our lives and into which women have often subjugated their female attributes in order to compete in a man’s world.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not male bashing! In deed the opposite, I believe it is the complement of male and female, of masculine and feminine in all the performers, male and female, that we need to expose, explore, and expedite into our current challenges so that we can truly build a blueprint that honours the gifts and talents natural to our different species. The world is a partnership of male and female, of masculine and feminine, of strong and gentle entwined.

The full story of Argentina Tango has played a social transformational role in society not just in South America, but in its impact as it swept across the world in the 1900s, allowing people to get closer in dance, to express themselves and the societal changes experienced, through rock and roll, hippy times, modern ballroom and expressive dance formats have brought people together. Dancing intimately, men with women, men with men, women with women, in the spirit of the dance, we see the communication of our natural evolution, our relationships, our potential joy and our passion to perform together, to flow with strength for a successful performance.

Can we apply all of this to the partnerships of life at home, at play, in the workplace; with families, with teams, with social cohesion?

If this union of masculine and feminine, in both genders, can be expressed so seamlessly in dance, I believe it can be experienced in the performance of men and women in society, in business, in politics. Why not? If we truly want to grow a healthy wealthy society for all, I believe we need to build a more collaborative model for a socially responsible and resourceful community.

Dance like I watched last night, cannot occur without tuning into each other, without communication, without practice, without love.

In taking simultaneous responsibility for our uniqueness as men and women as well as our core value as human beings, in a well tuned partnership, we can create a new possibility for a healthy world for all, our children and our grandchildren.

Monday morning – a space in time


What is it about Monday morning that can blossom or blight your week? As people commute into town, what thoughts and feelings do they hold? They say that it is the day for highest suicides. Now that’s not a pleasant statistic to wake up to. So why do we have to endure any Monday blues?

Of course we can change anything around in our mind, in our perception. Entrepreneurs and self made business people often have a different view of Mondays because they may have worked all weekend. In a 24/7 global business, days of the week become hours and minutes, working calls you in the middle of the night to catch a time differentiated market.

Mondays can become the glorious start of the traditional nature of weekdays. A space in time for us to say ‘wow, another new working week!

In the UK, we now are at the start of a 4 day working week, followed by a three day working week and then immediately another four day. Due to Bank Holidays and our royal wedding of Prince William and his beautiful bride Kate, we are blessed with three short weeks.

However surely the weeks and days are actually the same length and space as they ever, where time is merely altered by its usage. So time changes as we apply it. If we work all the days this week and the next, we feel thwarted to not be holidaying with everyone else. But not ever one is holidaying. Time doesn’t exist, it’s always what we make it.

What if every day, whether work or play or chores was always so motivating that we merely breezed a glance at time, woke with a light spirit and a happy heart? What bliss! “Pie in the sky”, I hear you cry! Well let’s get closer to the best use of time. Here are three principles that I have and hold:

• Know what gets you out of bed (any day) – be motivated by life itself , smile to yourself and check in on your own energy, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually
• Do work that you love, with heartfelt commitment and passion in every moment (as whether in a temporary role, running your own shop or a long sought after career, every moment is precious)
• Be grateful for everything, even the tough parts of your day (after all this is the first day of the rest of your life), honour everyone in your day (even the naysayers and passing strangers) and write down your gratitude daily in a book kept safe by your bed.

In my own experience, especially when the skies are grey as they are this morning, I remind myself that if I were in a plane and above the clouds, all would be sparkling and blue. Me too!

“Monday, Monday, so good to me”

The games people play…

Watching the country enter the election frenzy, I am reminded of the games people play and how, without awareness, we get trapped in repeated patterns with people around us. An email arrived about this as I pondered and I again reflected how when we’re aware of intention, we receive what we need directly!

The email was about Eric Berne’s work on Transactional Analysis (TA) and his work on the parent/child/adult laid out in his book ‘The Games People Play’ in 1964. The goal way back then, as “training” emerged for the first time, the new idea was to understand how people behaved especially when things went wrong and to learn ways to break dysfunctional patterns that damaged results. During the 70s, 80s,and up to now, many more aspects of human nature, behaviour, personality make-up, relationships and community cultures have been disected, examined, profiled, repatterned and worked through. From early Carl Jung days through Eric Berne and many more psychologists, academics, therapists, nlp practitioners, coaches and infamously management consultants (and not forgetting the innovative theory of positive psychology from Professor Martin Seligman as late as the 80s), we have evidence about how humans behave… yet the learning is still in its infancy. We regularly observe ‘bad behaviour’ occuring right in front of us daily, on TV, in Parliament, on the streets of Britain, in the Boardroom and across society.

Back to our election role models tearing each other apart on TV, in the Media and across the gambit of party political ‘bad behaviour’, for what reason do we allow this? I am not accusing anyone more than another. It appears to me that ‘bad behaviour’ is a norm in our cynical masculine world. And women are at fault too of taking on a more aggressive stance than their true gentle feminine nature can provide. And gentle guys don’t always stand up for their softer side when overtaken by alpa males. ‘Bad’ seen as OK behaviour is everywhere — we love to ‘roast’ celebrities, highlight the bad guys and never honour the good. Strange behaviour to me in a world that cries out for ‘kindness’ and ‘compassion’, ‘trust’ and ‘authenticity’ and social responsibility at work and at play.

So where is my thought process going?

This is not about ‘men are bad’ and women are good’ indeed bad behaviour has no gender or generation bias, we can find bad behaviour everywhere. It is about the definition of ‘bad behaviour’ and the consequences of it as the ripples spread. And it is for me, understanding that one person’s point of view and perspective can easily affect another negatively …however it is the way one delivers one’s point of view and the value attached to both the other people and the context of the situation that are key. If we turn up to every situaion, every conversation, every interaction with an intention to a) be present b) seek understanding and c) focus on outcomes that benefit each and the whole simultaneously …then we can rise above the most diverse challenges and opinions with honour and respect for those involved. How great would that be? How healthy the mind set and the result will be?

Maybe an election where politians came out with only their own positive message and actually appauled that which has been achieved so far. With the economic chaos we have and the downturn, ‘togetherness’ might be a more appealing campaign – and capture the ‘hearts’ of those disenchanted voters like myself.

I heard recently of a female CEO who encouraged her management team to focus on being ‘kind’ and was regarded with distain by her male colleagues, yet research suggest that ‘acts of random kindness’ produce outstanding response in customer service…let alone conscious acts of kindness as part of a service promise delivers high results every time! There is also clear evidence that this ‘kindness’ approach brings good health, community cohesion, trust and renewed energy …and could help us deal with what is becoming critical i.e. financial and social recovery.

I am very passionate about my world…your world…our world… I have a new grand daughter, now 6 weeks old, and she and her brother aged 2 and a half are the new generation looking forward to a future that we now have the responsibility to co-create a new way that builds on social and economic integration, maybe leverages social enterprise, values of philanthroprenuership and feminine/masculine joint partnership… is it a dream? A world that values human life above profit yet values the mixture of work and play that enegises both people’s personal fulfillment and their bank accounts.

I am not a fluffy female insisting on women on board for numbers, I truly believe that as our world evolves we all , men and women alike, add our natural talent to the pot, we all create our communities and we all have roles to play – not games. If we are to play games, then let’s play them from the heart and embue a new co-collaborative healthy competition, a ‘together’ ethos and/and a nature love for who we are ‘warts and all’.

I love working with my clients, people who want to improve, explore, change their ‘damaging’ patterns and want to learn to be more alive, more naturallly motivated and more successful – I help them play the game for love not fear. Maybe our politians will learn that one day, however I believe in that political arena, we may need to seriously change the playing field first before the players can learn a new game!!!