The Jungle of Relationships

Preview Interview with Bond Magazine To be published October 2010

Pauline Crawford, behavioural consultant and innovative thinker, looks at relationships with new eyes, and wonders about the current confusion over ‘who’s in charge’ – women or men? After working with people at the top of business for over 20 years, she sees a new light in the jungle of relationships. Her passion is to engage leaders in an emerging conversation that helps both men and women co-create a successful future.

What influenced you in your early life?

Born a tom-boy, I was much happier climbing trees with my brothers while my sister attended dancing classes. I dreamed of adventures at sea and found it easy to solve puzzles. As a mathematician and artist, I loved simultaneous equations and innovating multiple possibilities! Conversation with friends and laughter was paramount in my upbringing. Yet I found being ‘feminine’ a daunting task.

I left University with a Sociology and Statistics degree, my formative work career in the 70s was in travel. I loved using my left and right brain and naturally applied myself to the practicalities of business alongside the emotional flow of relationships. I learned all about gender politics early on in my career and the balancing act that kept everyone happy to get the job done.

What changed your life as a woman in business?

After motherhood, I desired action. I applied my masculine logical brain to business and my female energy to help others to realise their natural potential.

In my early return to work, my ‘tipping point’ was studying Image – here physicality was the key. I studied people, their minds, their bodies and their perceptions. Through this I realized the key was in the body. I discovered and observed the link between straight bodies and masculine minds. My tom-boy straight boned skeleton was linked to my masculine brain, yet I was totally female in a biological sense.

My core nurturing female side was attributed to my biology. My masculine-mind (for mapping things together) came from my natural brain preferences for logic and spatial skills. I also discovered not all women were like me! The more gently curved woman was naturally more intuitive, more ‘feminine’.

Men also follow this pattern. The straight sharp featured male is more masculine by nature and brain preference, and the gentler shaped man is also gentler in style – one might say more ‘feminine’ in making relationships work.

How did you discover about relationships between men and women?

Being an innovative thinker, with Edward de Bono as a second cousin, and my mind-mapping brain, I logically designed a Gender Dynamics Map. The map has six perspectives, and uses biological patterns and learned behaviour as empirical evidence. The map helped me to solve my personal dilemma as to why my female body housed a masculine-mind – perfectly normal! The Gender Dynamics Map defines the main differential from our biology with secondary variables of mind-preferences from masculine to feminine in all genders. Working with this map, relationships became easier. Emerging conversations started to occur even in serious business environments.

Over the years I have become an expert in behaviour, emotions, personality and conversations. Gender dynamics is my special focus area and is hugely successful in the boardroom.

I have worked with many thousands of clients and their true gender dynamic helps them to successfully communicate and interact on a personal and professional level to create best outcomes, especially now as we live in a world where client relationships are the key to market success worldwide.

How does your work help women to succeed in today’s world?

I have worked with women in many amazing companies across the UK and Europe, from PLCs to major public sector organizations. I have researched cultures, developed people, worked with leaders to create best performance, and gained an insight and passion to eradicate negative behaviour. What I have noticed is that ‘people are people’ whatever the business sector and failure comes through the breakdown of relationships rather than the business operation itself.

I feel that business, worldwide, expects women to be more male oriented rather than understanding that their own female potential to use masculine energy combined with their natural relationship expertise is the key to success.

My research proves that my natural tom-boy persona was perfectly normal but the social expectation to be more feminine had a definite impact on my confidence level. It was hugely liberating to discover that I was a totally desirable female with a masculine brain – understanding this is the key to relationship success for women like me.

I have met business women from all walks of life who are ‘strangled’ by the male criteria that goes with business success. To be tough enough to get to the top, without losing your female attributes is challenging and often unrewarding.

How can we shift perspectives and become more aware?

For example; a female CEO client of mine had a classic situation to deal with…the male alpha expert Doctor and the sensitive male Professor. Attempts to create business conversations with them failed miserably. We worked together on this problem using the Gender Dynamics Map – SUCCESS! My client succeeded in meeting the different needs of these men by delivering her message in two entirely different ways; directly in bullet points to the alpha Doctor and softer tones to the Professor. Both parties were delighted to be understood, the deal was successful and beneficial for all.

This shift of perspective can solve many problems. I am totally convinced that for men and women to co-create successful relationships they need to understand the six male/female gender dynamic perspectives and which may even help to solve the global economic crisis The majority of consumers are women, like me, who want a different world, a world of inclusion, abundance, harmony – yes wealth – and success for all.

How do you work with leaders of today’s business world?

Corporate Heart has its own team of experts that bring together a mix of gender dynamic types to serve our clients. “We walk our talk”. The core of our philosophy is adding value both personally and professionally, not just to our clients but to our own lives. Our understanding of who we are as men and women is vital to success and happiness in the boardroom. We value the basic tenet of life “to be uniquely our natural best and value others as we do ourselves”.

Currently working one-to-one, with top teams, or leaders of huge corporate cultures, I know there is a thirst for change and wisdom to share. Yet I see major blockages in both men and women who don’t see beyond their jungle niche. I do believe that women can lead on the ‘gender’ agenda but this will only come together when we truly celebrate the female species in full. If the jungle is our habitat, it’s the inhabitants that need to recognize their worth! I want women to celebrate the value of their variations of femaleness, and to value men for their maleness. Our dilemma is to know how to make the jungle safe for all.

What will your legacy be?

My work energizes my life, entwined intricately into my very being because my personal philosophy for living is what I teach others. My other passion is to create a better healthier, more caring world for my grandchildren.

I believe if we understand the jungle of relationships, with mutual respect and genuine smiling, we can create any future we desire both individually and collectively. They say the longest journey is from our heads to our hearts, and that is where relationships begin and flourish. My vision is a world which honours and respects women and hears their voices on the world stage, with men being proud to stand beside us.

Pauline Crawford
CEO Corporate Heart
Pauline hosts emerging conversations for male and female leaders to share viewpoints, possibilities and visions for the jungle. She works internationally with this activity to help influential leaders evolve a new corporate blueprint for business and life that embraces men and women.

Leaving a legacy – set your intention now!

I met amazing Philanthropreneurs this week – a mixture of Philanthroper and Entrepreneur – and was lucky to be on a panel discussing this new concept, originated in the US, now being embraced by many motivated entrepreneurs who wish to ‘give back’ in the way they know best. The event was for the charity Education Africaand they have a wonderful entrepreneurial spirit in how they are developing their teaching style with children in Africa to grow strong minds as well as healthy bodies.

I was inspired to be part of the evening panel ‘ Philanthropreneur – The next generation defined’ and to learn more about this style of being, in deed a way of innovating and taking risk around new business ideas, creating wealth and yet ‘giving back’ in an energetic business way that enables the receiver and the giver to become enriched emotionally, spiritually, physically and materially. I felt as if I had come home and it felt good to me to develop my business with this new style, giving back as we grow.

Philanthropreneurs have a plentiful ‘possibility’ mindsets, very open hearts, a great sense of timing and innovation, aligned to a high world vision with a well balanced self less ego, and of course a pioneering eye line to the future…nothing is impossible ! If we are to leave a legacy that lasts for many generations after we have moved on, this feels to be the right way, to start now.

A couple of summers ago I wrote my ‘obituary’ – sounds odd maybe, however it is a valuable way to put yourself into the far future and create your legacy statement now (it can always grow and change however once written you’ll be amazed at what happens as soon as it is on paper!!)

Having decided that I will live to 101 (at least) I then stretched my imagination into that year, closed my eyes and looked what I would love to exist for my children and my grandchildren and my world, for friends I know and those I have yet to touch and for all I may never meet but are part of my global family.

I envisaged a new harmonic in the air, an abundant sense of love in the world, where life and work were balanced, where women and men had healthy choices over their careers and family lives, where children were educated with an authentic love and emotional energy that grew strong caring imaginative intelligent adults, who respect the environment and enjoy the natural beauty of the world. A world where major powers are empowering their people rather than fighting to right wrongs; where poverty was irradicated; a world where men and women live in harmony recognising the limitations of our natural planet resources and using them wisely. There will be a new community energy across the land, magical conversations daily, wisdom and joy alive in both work and play, and who knows what other exciting unknowns!!

In my legacy, I had eliminated ‘bad behaviour’ in the workplace, and gone on to set up The SMILE FOUNDATION as a core part of education across the world providing core curriculum classes in Sound, Movement, Imagination, Laughter and Energy to underpin the range of skills based teaching to inform a new generation of healthy adults. I had also written several books gender, relationships, happiness and fun; had various TV series, married again and enjoyed a happy healthy family life myself!

I just read my ‘orbituary’ now two years on and I am amazed how much has already started to set my plans in place… the power of good intentions is strong and we don’t need to do more than that and act on it. So what has happened; I have meet the most amazing like minded people, found an environment, The Monastery, where magical conversations are starting to happen about ‘Corporate Spirit’ and ways to bring a Spirit and Purpose to all organizations to make this world a better place to be… and now the law of attraction has brought opportunities to me to meet the influential senior players, men and women, who can transform from the Boardroom to create ‘wellness’ in trusted cultures across the UK. There are possibilties abounding for TV programmes, my book is started and interest found, and I am thoroughly enjoying my journey. Smiling all the way!!!

Set you intention, write your legacy way into the future, make a contract with yourself today and join the conversation with us NOW.

“The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time”.
American President Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

Gender Dynamics – It’s in your bones!

Your gender DNA is in your bone structure

For twenty years I’ve been studying bodies! This may sound strange but I started as an Image Consultant in 1989 and had been a dress maker all my life. I was fascinated as to how my own body defined my behavior as a woman and also how my brain challenged my traditional view of femaleness differently to other women. I had always been a tom boy and observed many times that I was not like many female friends who just seemed more tuned into ‘femininity’!!

I was relieved when I realised I was not alone and many clients who came to me in those early days from 1989 onwards would stand before me in range of angular to curved bone structures; some had a masculine mind set and others a feminine mind set! There was a pattern to be observed, a natural relationship between the bone structure and scale of the body and I observed how that created ways of being more ‘boyish’ or more ‘girlie’, some more alpha female or others femme fatale!! Yet all were women and at heart, sisters, in our natural nurturing ways. I was fascinated. The more angular the woman, the more likely she was to have a masculine logical brain. How much did my own body and mind define me and became part of why I grew into a business woman? Let’s explore more.

I continued my observations with male clients too, there the patterns continued. More alpha males were strong and square shouldered, while I observed the gentler male shape represented men who were quite literally gentle in shape, gentle in nature. This definition was not to do with sexuality but with type within each biological gender – these ‘more feminine minded’ men were heterosexual yet with an emotional intuitive core that was a very different type of man to the alpha ‘he-man’. Fascinated as ever, I knew then that there was a relationship between physicality, personality and behaviour at a deeper level than just male or female.

The differences between men and women general are well researched and written about and let’s take note of those broader differentials. Men are in general more compartmentalised in their thinking, task focused, and love to find solutions first and emotional understanding second, able to be emotionally separate from the work delivery required. Women are more biologically flexible and fluid in their thinking and feelings, listening with both sides of their brain, multitasking and focused on relationships building to find solutions.

In exploring this deeper differential within each gender, it gave me an insight into my own ‘masculine-minded’ nature, my logical biased brain, and yet my female body! I learned that I was indeed truly female in all the core ways that all women are; multi-tasking, empathetic, relationship orientated, nurturing and emotional. But my brain was highly geared to logic and spatial awareness, and my body bone structure was straight and less shapely than my feminine female friends. I learned to own my ‘male’ brain and love my ‘female’ body and recognised the combination I was born with. I was more drawn to business than motherhood yet I became a mother and thoroughly enjoyed that role. Yet I need to use my ‘male’ brain to get back into business when I could. I had a natural strategic skill that put my logical brain to work. I loved business more than ever!

So now, 20 years later, it is a dream to be working with a new framework, a map that takes those original observations into account. Our business framework comes alive everywhere, in our own team we all come from different parts of the Gender Dynamics Map™. We now use this to help people at all levels of organizations to improve their communications and build relationships across so many aspects of business and life. In teams, in roles, in the boardroom, in service arenas, and in personal and social situations, we see men and women getting that ‘ah ha’ moment and recognizing the magical conversations that can be make success come easily.

We have discovered much about relationships since we studied the many variables within each gender, and we can see now how different types of men and women can co-create a future in business that will be sustainable for human life as well as rich in profits – and maybe solve the current economic chaos.

The deeper understanding of the ‘masculine-feminine’ – ‘male-female’ is embedded into a new matrix to better understand and remove our gender stereotypes, our in-equality experiences, and mixed up relationships, especially where women act like men in the boardroom, or men refuse to see the value of a female in their boardroom. I’d like to tell you – this is a magical clarification of a subject that is so often mis-understood. We can observe some of the core variables in our physicality!!!


Let me give you a brief overview of the components of this new gender matrix…

In summary, a male is most likely to be task focused, process orientated and acting consistently on solutions, while a female will bring feelings and relationships to the forefront to resolve and grow business. However there is a masculine and feminine variation within each gender that can throw a new light on how each sees their approach working with the other; masculine minded women and feminine minded men. This paradox is brought into focus as more and more women have grown into an increasingly ‘left-brained’ world – a masculine business blueprint.

In overview, our types are observed as follows:

The Strong Woman is naturally OK in a male environment, more masculine in outlook, logical, spatial, and often found in ‘male’ sectors such as IT, Telecoms, Construction, Shipping, Banking, and Law. She is often more angular in physique and takes a strong straight stance, happy to ‘square up’ to men and compete with ease. She can be a strong team and boardroom player, bringing a strategic mind and logical style with the ability to value relationships and alliances with partners across the whole business. This is our MF, our masculine-minded female.

The Gentle Woman excels in sensitivity, in creativity, using intuition and nurturing and often drawn to caring roles, coaching and therapeutic professions, people development functions, and customer relationship careers. She is gentle in physique and statute, and often presents a soft approachable presence. Her leadership style can be empathetic and embracing of people and emotional issues, bringing inclusivity and collaboration naturally to the boardroom. This is our FF, our feminine-minded female.

The Strong Man finds the authoritative leadership and management role easily, is usually physically and mentally strong and seemingly un-emotional at work. He is strong shouldered, stands straight and direct and presents a dominant physique. He can be seen as a tough leader who controls with a strong hand on the wheel and this style is directive especially on stormy seas. This is our MM, our masculine-minded male.

The Gentle Man is often found using a more creative, sensitive inclusive leadership style, building teams through personal relationships and using his feelings on a daily basis. He is gentler in physique and softer faced, slim or slightly contoured bodyline. He can be as a ‘servant’ leader, bringing others on board and lead by example spreading responsibility and autonomy among his team members and in the boardroom. This is our FM, our feminine-minded male.

If you are not one of these four extreme types then you may be between them and be a balanced feminine-minded masculine male FMM or balanced masculine-minded feminine female MFF.

We can make or break business when men and women don’t recognise their different styles and difficulties of mis-understanding arise.

By misunderstanding the natural order of the whole gender dynamic mix, we potentially restrain the scope for women and men to work productively in harmony and with the healthiest balance for business success. It’s time to change our view to a more inclusive one. This ‘physicality’ approach born on my observations of twenty years ago may save us yet and aid enormously how men and women communicate and build a new social and economic order for business.

here’s a story that starts to explore how different types of men and women can get into a tangle and their challenge – and ours – is to sort it out!!

Let me know your thoughts – how should the story continue….?